July 19, 2002

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 11

bigtips

Why do I always end up with weird food in restaurants?

by M.T. 'the Big Tipper' Martone

Hello Tipper,

Did you ever feel like you had a curse on yourself? I feel that way, and it is in a part of my life that I've never heard anyone else ever complain about. My friends and my girlfriend tease me, and while it's not really that big of a deal, it's starting to bother me, and I'm wondering if I have some personality flaw.

What's my big flaw, you ask? I can not, not ever order the right thing at a restaurant. No matter when I go, what kind of restaurant, I get something weird, terrible, or both. I think my sense of adventure just overrides any sense of self-protection in these circumstances, and I think I should get something I've never had before, and then I'm in trouble.

Just this week, I ended up with something at a Chinese restaurant that was like fish Cream of Wheat, and then at a taco truck, as my friends all ate things that seemed more normal, I ended up with pork rind tacos. There were only five or six choices! How did I end up with the one scary thing? Why didn't I ask what chiccarones meant?

Dear Goop du Jour,

When's It Going to Be Creamed Eyeballs?

Why, indeed, didn't you ask what chiccarones meant? Are you shy? Do you feel rushed by your ordering compatriots?

I think your sense of adventure is admirable, You could avoid this problem entirely by ordering the same thing every time, but you push ahead, confident that one day you'll order something that won't be dangling big purple tentacles off the table.

If you are really starting to get too frustrated, though, try to lower the crapshoot factor. When you're ordering, ask questions. Ask what dishes are like, what people tend to order, what people like the most, what the hell is in them and how they're prepared. If you feel like you don't have enough time to make well thought-out choices, get to the restaurant a little early, and mull over the menu. Some restaurants even have their menus on line, so you can cruise them before you show up.

(For example, Amazon.com is beta-testing menu scans for several big cities, and currently includes Boston, Chicago, New York, San Francisco, Washington, D.C., and Seattle. See http://www.amazon.com/exec/

obidos/tg/browse/-/913908/002-35943002724054?city=Seattle for an example. Handy, if you live in one of those places.)

You can also limit the adventure factor: get the phad thai you know you've enjoyed, but with a different meat, or spicier. Get your favorite peanut sauce over something different.

Ultimately, more power to you for not being dull. After all, you can always get a snack on the way home. (But maybe not at the fried cricket place.)

Dear Big Tipper,

I am about to head out on a new adventure, and I am finding that I'm getting no

support at all from my friends.

After years of dating, I've met the man I'm going to live with. We met online and before that sets off alarm bells, let me tell you that we've traveled back and forth several times and spent several weekends together, and had one wonderful two week vacation in Mexico.

He's a really decent guy, with a good job and his own house he bought a few years ago. And honestly, he's really, really hot.

It seems like people meet people in all different ways, and there must be lots of people forming healthy relationships with people they meet like this, and you only hear about the really problematic situations. I also think there's something to be said for taking a leap into the unknown, and trusting that things will work.

I'm ready to do this, whether my friends are supportive or not. How can I best set myself up for a successful transition?

Dear Movin' on Up,

Bags are Packed, I'm Ready to Go

First of all, congratulations. You're right, people do meet in all sorts of ways, and if you're spending your time in the ethers of the Web, then that's where you're going to be meeting people.

Of course, the glaring issue is that when you are interacting with someone in a manner other than face-to-face, there's a lot more room for manipulation of information. You can learn a lot about someone just by seeing the way he stands and makes eye contact, or by hearing his tone of voice. That said, many successful relationships have begun with chance meetings in bars, venues not renowned for patrons' honest and complete representation of their personal qualities.

I'm concerned about your friends' opinions about your plan. Did they actually meet him? Did they not like him, or do they just not like the idea of you moving, or moving in with someone you've only known from a distance?

If you tend to trust your friends about everything except their opinion on your new boyfriend, you may be fooling yourself because of how much you want this plan to work. On the other.hand, they may just not want you to leave. This is the time to think seriously about what their motivations have been in the past, and may be now.

If you're moving to a place that you've never lived before and have no other support network, seriously consider getting your own apartment in the beginning. It is very easy to disappear into someone else's life if you don't have any history of personal space.

You don't have to sign a year's lease, but give yourself at least a few months to spend time meeting his friends, getting a job, and developing a sense of who you are in your new city. If you want to be with this guy for a long time, a little ramp up time is more than worth it. Good luck. ✓

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

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